Panic

Do you know what panic is?

It is a state of mind when you realise that you've got no escape routes.
It's an extreme sense of reality when you realise that you've only got one chance and no other.
It's a time when your mind wants to run away from the problem at hand.
It's when you see time flying by and yet your body seems suspended in a movement-hindering gel.
It's a feeling of constant anxiety when you just want to cling on to the nearest stable living-thing to save yourself.

Now you get what being in a panic is to me...
(If it's not exactly what you think panic is... I'm usually a relatively calm person)

In any case...
I'm in it.

Upon reflecting...
There seems to be some good coming from it.
Your mind goes into this auto-prioritise mode.
Also, it suddenly becomes really easy to drop activities that seemed life-and-death a second ago.
Let's not forget being auto-focused as well.

Say... maybe this panic-mode is a good thing...

Craft...Art?

FINALLY...

Complete!

I managed to turn this...

Into these!

Happy B'day Mindy!
Now...
If only I can actually give it to her soon...

Cat & Dog Theology

Dog:
"You feed me, shelter me, pet me, love me..."
"You must be GOD!"

Cat:
"You feed me, shelter me, pet me, love me..."
"I must be GOD!"

Never quite saw it that way before today...
Heck...
It's really something to think about.
Applies to bringing up a kid too...

Into Your World...

Pain comes in many forms and from different sources.
It can come straight to the middle of the soul.
It can come as a persistent irritant in your mind.
(Of course, let's not forget physical pain...)

Sometimes...
It comes indirectly.

I'm happy now.
I'm settled...

What hurts the most now is that I see others in pain around me.

It'll be less painful to take the pain upon myself than to see them going through it.

Is it courage?
Sometimes...I think it's the lack of it.
Is it thoughtfulness?
Sometimes I think it's the opposite.

I feel helpless sometimes because I might feel their pain, but I've got no idea what's causing it.
Do I have the right to press them to share when they automatically don't?
I try to let them know I'm there for them, though I do it very subtly...
Maybe they can't decipher my nudges?

I won't be so bold to say that I can solve anything and everything...
What I can offer is my attention and potentially another perspective.
I can help sort out the clutter.

Will you be willing to let me a little into your world?
I'll come bearing offerings of peace...

Dance...

I miss dance.

It always provided a beautiful reason to prance around the place.

It trained all my muscles and I've always enjoyed knowing that I had good control of them.

The best part is... I was good at it.

Now...
I get this physical pain when I think of all that I've given up.
I can safely say that dance is a passion of mine.

Argh...
I miss it!

Unpacking to Pack

Grr...
Slept at 3.45-ish am, only to be woken up at 8am...again!
Just to run an errand...
It happened the day before too...
I'm so sleep-deprived now... (can't fall back asleep once I get up)

Another day trying... TRYING to pack.
My room is filled with piles of stuff.
On the bed, floor, couch, table...
It gets quite trying to navigate through all that stuff in the dark.

I take about a million years to pack mainly because everytime I try,
instead of clearing those piles, I kind of transfer each pile from place to place,
Packing a little at a time so that the pile grows smaller, but never fully disappears.
Then doing that takes so much time and effort, that I permit myself an ill-deserved break,
and put the whole idea of packing on-hold.

Then again,
When I have loads of stuff on my mind,
I tend to want to pack.
I go through the mess like an unrelentless force.
Not stopping till the whole place smells of cleaning chemicals and sparkles from the lack of obstruction.
It's a psychological thing...
An action-manifestation from all that mental clutter.
Useful though.

OK...
Exams are sooooo near,
BUT... CNY is nearer!
Heh...

From the very depths of my heart,
I pray for guidance, patience, strength and wisdom...

Who?

Sometimes...
I get worried about opening myself up to someone.

It's always in the extreme.
I want to facilitate and initiate a kind of bond or closeness...
So I share something personal.

The conversation can't be one-sided now can it?

Now...
It's a matter of knowing who I can really trust...
:(