My Mom Hates Me

It's really no secret.

I can't even recall the last time she smiled or said anything nice or positive to me.

I think she thinks I'm worthless.
And I'm not too affected by it any longer.

Am I being a pathetic, whiny, attention-deprived kid?

No... I don't think so.
Just look at how she talks to anyone and everyone else.
Not a tinge of anger or impatience in her voice.

When she talks to me, it's nothing but anger and disgust.

Any cheery 'Hello' from me is answered with an accusation, warning or scolding.

Anyway, why should I care anymore?
I'm 22.
I don't need affection from her to be self-assured.
It'll be nice to have.
It'll be nice to have her be civil to me.
But it's not necessary.

You want me to be independent and strong?
I can be.
But just don't limit my ability to do so.
If you can't stand my presence, you should have just packed me off to Australia a long time ago.
It's still not too late.
Then I won't be such a 'disgrace' to you.
(you don't even use that word on people you hate, but you've used it on me)
Then I won't be such a burden.
Then you won't ever have any fights with Dad and blame it on me.

Then I won't have my heart broken till I can hardly feel emotion anymore.

You think I'm arrogant?
I'm forced to be, to preserve my sanity and self-worth.
You think I take things for granted?
When was the last time I asked you for anything that you actually helped me with without bearing a grudge?
You think I go out a whole lot?
I want to keep the house peaceful.
I don't want to get picked on even while reading a book.
You're happier anyway...

Don't like me taking the car?
If you had to practically pay for everything on your own, you'll try to scrimp and save every penny too.
Think I'm an idiot for giving a friend a lift?
You're ignoring the fact that I've only done it a few times while he does it almost daily.

Oh...
You never see my intentions anyway...
You just think of me negatively.

Think I value my friends more?
Just read the above.

After all of this.
Don't blame me for anything anymore.
If you have issues with me, I can't help that.
I refuse to feel guilty when it's not my fault, when you refuse to listen, when you never ask.

I'm not sorry.