The Christian Depression

Will you answer if I call?
Will you dry my tears?
Dare I lift up a prayer of risk?
Dare I try to please?
How will I know if you will answer, how long must I wait and try?
Rejection will hurt me more than never asking.
My spirit is weak but grows weaker from fear.
Dare I boast of your goodness in front of others? What if they don't believe?
Will you present yourself if I beg?
Your Will I know not.
I fear for my future even though I know you've got it planned.
What drives this fear in me?
How do I silence this negative thought?
How can I cultivate spiritual peace?

LORD, I tremble when you seem so far, I shiver when you don't seem near.
LORD, I want to hide in your loving embrace, yet I can't run into your arms.
I know I'm not clean enough for you, I'm not that pure child you want.
I know that you'll never forsake me, yet I feel it's somewhere down the line.
How can I defend you in another's defiance when I can't find you in myself?
How will you teach me what to say if I refuse to be that student?
My heart sinks deeper with each day, my sorrow now a friend.
I hide my inequities with a front, I fear I might forget it's not me.
Will you have me be this way?
I fear the pain of change.
How now shall I move forward?
Please light my path.
It's dark in my world tonight...