Practicality

I'm going to be practical.

If I move out, I'll be

- Out of a computer and a proper connection
- Away from all my clothes
- Away from a whole lot of other material things that makes my life comfortable.

If I move out, she wins!
It suddenly hit me, so... I guess I'll be staying home.

Also, it'll give her something less to tell me off about when she does do that.

Just live and enjoy what we call 'living the life'.

Hanging out with friends, conducting sleepovers, going to work and storing up on stories that would have us laughing till our bellies ache and our 6-pack shows.

Sounds good!
It's the most responsible and grown-up thing to do.
Someone has to be the adult.

Have I mentioned lately that I love my Granny an Godma?
They're the best anyone could ask for.
You've got to meet them.
You'll love them too...


Does this guy look familiar?




















(Performing at MOS)

He is Jon, from Reverie!
Current Singapore Idol contestant.
Just realised I had this picture.

Misread

I might be 'Away' visiting Granny for awhile.

Wish I had my own place.

Being called a 'burden' really hurts.

And no... You don't have a right to say things like that, even though you're my mom...

Songs to remember me by...

Blame it on hormonal changes or stress or simply an electrical spark in my brain, but I've been writing songs.
Not whole songs, but more like short little bits of verses and choruses.
I guess I could put them together or something.

This is such a familiar feeling.
The last time I felt like that, I wrote 'The Most Difficult To Maintain', something which I'm very happy with because it never fails to put a smile on my face.

I can't wait to start studying again, now that I've decided where to go.
I used to think I had really supportive parents, but now I know better.
Heck, if they 'happen' to read this, I won't care.
I have learnt how to stop blaming myself for everything.
I deserve a break sometimes too...

The Most Difficult to Maintain

A baby lying there,
Cannot do anything but stare,
The only 'words' it knows,
Don't make sense you know,
So you really can't be blamed,
For not answering to 'your name'.

A toddler walks,
But many still can't talk,
They only need a rattle,
Unlike adults who cackle,
So they really still are,
Quite easy to maintain.

A teenager they say,
Is at a most difficult age,
A handful for anyone I'm sure,
But at least they don't yet have,
The authority to control,
They really are the controlled.

Then here it comes,
The object of this piece,
The one all others must obey,
Adults I say, areThe most difficult to maintain,
Only because they think They are sane.

Therefore I must stress,
That not all adults are fair,
Some can be unreasonable too,
But I really must beware,
And even be swift to prepare,
Before an adult reads this and swears.

Lonely...

I think I'll go to ANU... Yea... I'll go there...

I can't sleep!
It's 3.36am and I had spent the last 2 hours tossing and turning in bed!

I hate nights like that...
I hate it simply because it's a lonely lonely feeling...

That's really the lonliest feeling in the world...

Dear Diary...

* - Entry Start - *

Dear Diary,

In the midst of all that's happening in life, I've lost myself.
I've lost my essence,
I've devalued my self-worth,
I've lost my happy-go-lucky attitude.
I might have lost what it means to be Michelle.

True, I've got direction now, I've got a goal, but a goal is not what makes a person.
How one achieves that goal is the real measure.

The song 'Everything you want' keeps playing in my head.
I don't know what life is about now, but I'm going to focus on building a better future...

* - Entry End - *

Boy was I feeling lost that day.
Is it weird to read past diary entries?

I've just came from seeing how BBC World in Asia works.
We were spoilt at CNBC... BBC has only got 2 people in the control room during a show while CNBC had a whole army!
Well, I'm hoping to get an internship at 'One Touch Asia'.
I've been talking to even more people and I'm all the more indecisive about what to major in.
This saturday is decision-making day, so I better get it all settled by then...
I feel the anticipation... I'm getting excited!
SIM's exams are almost over!
Just... a... few... more... hours...

What I will miss the most...

Looks like it's confirmed that I'll be going 'Down Under' for my Degree...

To be honest, I'm scared senseless...
Right this instant, Australia is one huge mass of land and flesh and mineral and... you get the picture...

I've got visions of myself arriving at the airport on a cold night, my breath turning into vapour, struggling with a luggage bag bigger than myself...

It will be an eye-opener and I'll get a video camera so I can send edited footage of my life there and send it back here. Maybe it'll have potential to become a TV-series!
Haha... I'm so dreaming...

I guess what I'll miss the most is friends.
I can't live a solitary life... I'll just do a 'tom hanks' and start talking to my posessions.

On with choosing...

Look at us!

This was NOT airbrushed! I repeat... NOT AIRBRUSHED!
No effects done to it whatsoever!

Will you miss me when I'm gone?

I've narrowed my choices to
* ANU (Australia National University)
* UQ (University of Queensland)
* University of Sydney

Right now, ANU looks to be the most promising, but UQ is appealing too...
Only thing... UQ, I heard, is crawling with Singaporeans...

I'll most probably be going in Feb 2007...
I'll actually be turning 21 there.
Then in 2008...
20/08/2008
Nice date right?

I've got mixed feelings about going abroad...
I'm scared, but excited, nervous, but determined.

Since going to Australia is known as going 'Down Under', do you still call it going 'OverSeas'?
:p

OMG

It is NOT my fault that your son spends 16 hrs straight on the computer
It is NOT my fault that we have no more tissue paper
It is NOT my fault that I have a sister instead of a brother
It is NOT my fault that you feel stressed out about work
It is NOT my fault that you're unhappy with life
It is NOT my fault that you cannot manage your kids.
It is NOT my fault that he pulls a face when going for tution
It is NOT my fault that he is not doing well academically
It is NOT my fault that he tells you things last minute and you bother enough to rush everything so that he assumes that he can do it next time.

Honestly.
Don't think the world revolves around you
Don't think any less of someone younger than you
Don't think your troubles are greater than someone else's
Don't give excuses that don't even convince yourself.

If you have anyone to blame, it is YOUR-FREAKIN-SELF!

I'm not going to feel sorry for you
I'm not obliged to serve you, I'll only help
I'm NOT YOUR FREAKIN SLAVE!

OMG
I'll go overseas just so you'll gain some independence.

I miss it so much...

Ballet...

I miss it so much...
Take it up again? Take on something else?
Heck... decisions decisions...

Self-Worth

Self-worth is measured by the size of your confidence.

Now, Self-worth is a strange thing.
It is measured not by how others perceive you, but how you perceive yourself.

Why?

Because it is through how much you think of yourself and because of that, act a certain way, speak a certain way and think a certain way.

For example...
You think that you're not attractive.
Because of that thought, you face your features to the ground, depriving yourself of kisses from the sun.
Because of that thought, you say things like "If I was a gorgeous as 'so-and-so', then..."
Because of that thought, you think that you might not get a certain job because the 'prettier' girl would get it, and you don't do your best in the interview...

As a result of how you act, speak and think, someone else would not be able to see your face and appreciate your unique features. That someone, who might not have thought you paled in comparison to 'so-and-so', would start to compare with an already biased point-of-view.

The lower your level of confidence, the lower your self-worth.

It is through how you perceive and therefore portray yourself that others think of you and from there, judge you.

It is a cycle.

I realised this only after going through a good part of my life not respecting myself.
Other people will take you for granted if you don't show yourself as someone worth respecting.

It was a hard lesson learnt and learnt it well I have.
I can't put here how I learnt it, but I'll share it if you ask personally.

One thing I will say though, it was a painful lesson...


Also remember this...


"Friends are special treasures of the heart."

My Sis... I mean.. Bother...

That is not a typo...

What is it like being the younger sibling?

Being the older sister, I've always wished I had more guidance.

Dad would often say,
"Why can't you have your brother's character and your brother have yours?"

Sorry Dad... I'm not about to allow myself to become more 'girly' than I already am.

It's true.

I have an extremely sensitive brother.

It is his exam period now and still he refuses to sit and revise.
If he was really good in his studies, I would not mind, but he is NOT.
Worse still, my parents expect me to monitor his studies.
I am not about to allow him to play his academic life away, so I am a pretty strict tutor.

We usually have conversations like that...

Jem: "I'm going to take a break."
Me: "But you just had your break 5 minutes ago...so sit your arse back down"

Jem: "I've finished studying"
Me: "Fine... Can you promise me at least 95% in your test?"
*Jem sits back down*

I had a shock today though...
I had just quizzed him on Chromatography and he failed it miserably...
He went off to revise the chapter.
5 minutes into his revision, he said "I'm going to close my eyes for awhile"

30 minutes later, I walked into my room very silently, only to find him gaming!

Me: "How long have you been in here?"
Jem: "5 minutes..."
Me: "IT'S BEEN OVER 30 MINUTES!"
Jem: "..."
Me: "Fine... you think you're ready for your exams? Can you get 100% in Geog, Chem and POA? If you can't, YOU'RE NOT READY!"

I stormed out of my room.

5 minutes later, he slams into his seat, and bangs his textbook on the glass table.

I was about to tell him off when I realise that he was crying!

Was it that bad?
I promise you, I only said what I stated above.
I see no reason for him to cry at all.

You know... being the elder sibling is no fun sometimes...
I wish I had an older brother...
I wish I had a twin...