Question what you believe in...

If you don't question what you believe in,
The theory will easily fall at the touch of a contradiction.

If you don't question what you believe in,
It'll never have the strength of a conviction.

If you don't question what you believe in,
How will you convince another?

If you don't question what you believe in,
You'll never be willing to defend your stand.

If you don't question what you believe in,
Why believe?

-Michilli-

Sometimes I find myself questioning my faith.
Like...
"What makes me so sure that Christianity is not some world governmental; propaganda; brilliant marketing, form of human control?"

Used to feel very guilty and dirty about it.

But ALWAYS...
After praying and speaking to God about it,
He comforts me and reassures me.

No... don't go thinking that it's some self-serving bias that all happens in my mind.
He reveals a little more of Himself to me when I ask.
He knows me (that I find anything that's not backed-up by scientific, empirical truth, hard to believe)
And He provides me with those truths.
He appeals to my logic and reasoning, not to my fantasy-tended nature.

So whenever I start to question and doubt,
My faith becomes stronger.

Man and Science are not reliable.
We are limited by so many things, including what we call technology (be it advanced or not).

This we can see everyday.

One day, it's "Caffeine is Good for You!"...
The next day, it's "Caffeine is Bad"...

One Century, it's "The Sun goes around the Earth..."
The next, it's "The Earth orbits the Sun...and heyy... there are other planets too! I'd have never guessed!"

One millennium, it's "The world is flat, don't fall off the edge..."
The next, it's "Know what? The flat plate is really a globe...Gawd..."

Bottomline...
Nothing is reliable...
Not humans, not science.
The proof is that it keeps changing.
How sad to believe in one thing your entire lifetime, only to find out that it's been a lie.
(works that way in a relationship too)

These things are highly disappointing.

One thing that has NEVER changed all these thousands of years?
The Bible.
Pure and Simple.

So...
Question what you believe in.
You don't want your whole belief system to come crashing upon you one day...

"...a wise man that built his house upon a rock, And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and they beat upon that house, and it fell not, for it was founded on a rock."
Matthew 7: 15-29

Why so affected?

That IS the way Media writing works...
By right... I should not be affected at all.
Well...there are many ways to look at it.

What is it I'm affected by?
My performance during the IVP Finals against NUS.
So far...
Every article I've read about that match has not cast a flattering light upon my abilities as a GK.

Seriously.
I can quote a few... just for show (and to piss myself off more)

"But SIM’s keeper was not as great as them. Luck was on their side despite the keeper was a dazed at the rolling ball that missed the goal by a mere acute angle"

"It was a shot that came from the half line that left the keeper a dazed"

"...after driving towards the middle, hit a rising shot through the hands of SIM keeper Michelle Tan for the first goal of the game."

"...with a terrific shot that went past a lot of bodies and right through the hands of the unsighted SIM goalie."

The quotes were taken from articles by Nurul Ain (NovusAUm) and Leslie Tan (RedSports).
I'm guessing they are not GKs and their perspective of the game was simply from a Player's point-of-view.

Why am I so affected by the articles then?

I mean, of course I've got reasons for doing what I did.

A rolling ball a little too far to stretch-reach but close enough to the goal it seems?
>> Gk should have stepped up to get it right?
Not if the players from the other team are too close for comfort.
2 simple, one-touch, passes from them would have resulted in a goal! (this I learnt from experience)
Plus... I've got brilliant defenders (ok... some brilliant defenders) who could/would set up the ball for attack better than I can.

That's only one example...

When I'm unsure of the playing style of the other team or when I'm playing a team I've never seen play...
I tend to stay closer to my post.
Safer... just because I cannot and will not rely on sheer physical mass to do all the blocking.
It's really about reading the play, the players, and using your strengths to compensate for any weaknesses.
Some matching is involved here as well...
How best to complement your team and be a more terrible threat to the other team.

Of course I'm not saying that I'm a brilliant GK.
I do make mistakes (more than I'd like to admit)
In fact, there are times I wished that I could re-play that whole game, just so I could do better.
Especially with the penalty.

On hindsight... I should feel honoured that I'm even mentioned (usually only the really good or the really bad are mentioned eh..?)
Afterall, covered from head to toe on-court...
GKs are simply the last line of defence right?

NO.

At least not from the way I see it...

Need It...

I think I get bored really quickly...

Might explain why I never really bothered with toys as a kid.
I would abandon Barbie after toying around with her hair for a bit, then head on outdoors to build a 'zoo' out of wooden benches and deck chairs (or whatever I could find), then unceremoniously plonk all the rabbits, chicks, dogs, ducks (whatever animal that was available then) into those enclosures.

Yeap

I preferred my playtimes to be totally unpredictable and ever-changing (you never can guess what an animal is going to do next can you?)

I miss those days.

I miss the beaches as well.
Till now, when I get really stressed out, a trip to the seaside or supermarket makes me feel so much better. I get my comfort by returning to my childhood 'favourite places'. The whole pet stretch at Serangoon North (where I used to live) counts as well.

I'm not exactly stressed right now...
In fact, life is a break at this point in time.
But still...
I miss the beach... need it.
Or at the very least... need to visit the supermarket... :)

La Di Dah

Life is pretty much 'the same' right now...
Rather la di dah.

La di dah?
Meaning... neither totally boring that it's threatening mental retardation, nor terribly exciting that I'm going to bed with anticipation, impatient for daylight to arrive.

I'm also getting quite irritated with a certain someone who does not seem to understand that being single is NOT a crime!
It's a freakin chosen status!
I have my pride you know...

In any case, the exams are nearing... again...
Quite sad that I've got to cancel a promising trip to Bkk this march :(
BUMMER!

Right...
Semi-finals coming up tonight.
Against NTU...
Fighting chance I'd say.
Then again...
I don't want to guess ahead of the game.

I just pray it does not go into penalties.

"Hearts are fragile,
Spun like glass...
Yet strong as metal,
But prone to rust..."
-Michilli-

Patience

Woke up incredibly hungry this morning...
Quite funny, come to think of it...

Got up... Tummy growled...
Looked at clock...
DAMN! Only 6.30am...
Went back to sleep...

Tossed and turned...

Drifted in and out of dreamland...
Thing is... it was a continuous dream...
Church! Of all things...

Tummy complained, looked at clock...
7.45am...
DAMN!
Attempted to sleep again...

Tossed and turned and had the same dream...

I've got this feeling it's a message because I can still hear the words spoken to me.
"... that's why the church is an organisation..."

Anyhow...
Finally decided to hop of out bed at 8.30am to attend to my totally disgruntled tummy.
So impatient...

This will be a week of 'wait-and-see'
Thing is... I'm not much of a 'wait-and-see' kinda person.

This is all about learning NOT to worry about things you cannot change.
And how to channel the focus to other areas that would need it more.
Patience...is a virtue...

Lost the Ball

Play was so quick that there was hardly any time to have fun...

Damn...

I have to give it to the NYP team.
They worked relatively seamlessly, and had a really sharp GK.

Think I did badly... made quite a few mistakes...
Gosh...
There were times when I actually lost sight of the ball!
I stared till it just disappeared from my range of vision!
I promise you, I was focused, but just lost the ball...

Oooo... RP tomorrow...
Already feeling the heat.
Garh...

Feel

Feel like blogging...
Really I do...

But too freakin nervous about the coming match with NYP.

Come to think of it...
Feel like clubbing too...

And I've been swearing too much.
Gonna try to cut down...
Cold turkey?
Nah...
I mean... it's effective when used correctly. :p

Doubles...

Happy New 2008!

I love this year because it's a year of doubles for me...
See...
I turn 22 on 2008/2008
Get it?
20/08/2008

Anyway... I've got many expectations for myself this year.

I've grown so much in 2007.
I wonder what 2008 will bring.

I'm going to take it slow though.
Learnt a long time ago that having a strong foundation is important.
So...
It'll take a nice long while to build the foundation of the rest of my life...
Meaning...
Things like...
Studies, Character, My walk with God, Friendships, Relationships, Health...
Not in any ranking order mind you...

I did not set any resolutions this year (I never do)
But I've got quite a lot in mind when it comes to what I want to achieve.
Most will take a whole load of time before I see the results, and it's Instant Gratification versus Delayed Gratification for the most of it.

Ack...
I'm looking forward to 2008
I'll take more snap-shots of life...
That way... I'll never forget who I once was.
That way... It means I mattered enough to have a record.
That way... My dear friends and I can look back 10 yrs from now and laugh.

Happy New Year folks...