My Bit of Sky

I just know the day will be wonderful when I wake up and see such a sky...
Everything God creates is beautiful... Say a little prayer and be properly grateful.

Yes... I am a kidney patient...

I am a certified Liar!
No, no... not a lawyer... I said liar... though... makes no real difference...

It was another taxing day at the office where time slimed by.
My colleague Dee... and I were feeling relieved that it was the end of the day and that we had only a day of work left! Off we went, chatting and hopping and just plain crapping our way past the countless numbers of harried office bees when we were approached by a lady in red with a gleam in her eye that spelled 'Donate Long Term to this Charitable Kidney Foundation'.

Needless to say, being the cash-strapped students that we are, we politely tried to turn her down.

If I have anything good to say about that lady in red, it would be her admirable persistence, but that became a tad irritating too. She rallied on for our support and I finally lost my cool.

I went into a whole new gear, putting on the tragic expression and finally blurting out

'I am a kidney patient!'

Even Dee (my friend), was shocked.

I went on to explain...

'Yes... I am suffering from a kidney condition and have been since young. My family has tried getting support from organisations, yes, this one too, but help has never been granted. We suffered greatly...'

*pauses and sniffs for effect*

'I really want to, but I can't bring myself to support foundations like that anymore...'

*pauses and puts on pained expression*

'I remember... it was so so difficult a time...'

*turns away and wipes non-existent tear*

Ms Lady-in-red was lost for words...heck... Dee was lost for words...

She apologised and shook my hand, then finally allowed us to pass.

Dee and I walked out of her sight then I burst into insane laughter.
Dee was being strangely quiet, and I thought I had offended her or a family member of hers during that charade!

I was about to apologise when she slowly said,

'Mich, I had no idea you had a kidney condition... I'm sorry... How is it now?'

I felt so bad to have misled her like that...

Power of your love

I had an 'it' moment in church today.
You know when you hear about people who are touched by the holy spirit and either fall or cry?

I cried.
No... I bawled!

I spent the whole week feeling really down.
It got so intense that I consciously knew that I was not being myself but I was helpless to do anything about it.
I think I was being a b*tch most of the week, so I sincerely apologise to those saints who have put up with me.

I ran to church today... and not only because I was late, but because there was this overwhelming urge to be in a place where I knew I could relax, where I knew it would not matter if other people judged me because it was God's house and he's the big boss and those in his house jolly well accept the people he invites to his house.
As Matthew 9: 10-13 teaches, it is the sick and the lost who need help.
So I ran in, not wanting to waste a second.
The minute I reached the worship hall, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief.
The congregation were well into their 2nd song.
Seeing a really tall Sunitha, I got into place beside her and started to pray.
Out of the blue, this prayer spoke aloud in my head.

"I give my all to you Lord.
Let your will unfold in my life.
I'm so scared Lord, so afraid.
But I put my trust in you because you love me and know what is best for me.
I'm scared Lord, so scared,
but I trust you."

I guess this is the true meaning of faith.
I felt an enormous weight lifted off me and the tears started to pour.
It was an emotional experience and I believe I was crying from deep within my heart because I knew everything would be alright, that I would be safe, that I would not disappoint, that I was accepted where I stood...

Depression...

Winners - Are people like you
"... Winners don't give up.
When life gets rough, they hang in until the going gets better.
"... Winners know they are not perfect.
They respect their weaknesses while making the most of their strengths."

Mom put that up in the toilet...
I turn away from it, only because it makes me feel like a failure...

Most intense ever!

I had the most intense interview today ever!
It was with an advertising firm, so being the masters of diplomacy; I had to attempt to match their talent at subtle convincing.
Some questions that required me to boast left me feeling like a cheat.
Honest to God...
Sometimes, even though you know you have the skill, talent or ability, you just falter when asked to rate yourself.
I've to get over that.
More self-confidence...

I hope to get the job, even though I know it means a temporary end to my social life as I know it and a halt in my education.

I pray I won't disappoint.

I think there's something wrong with our culture.
In the world of behavioural 'coolness', you just don't get any brownie points for taking the initiative to do something.
It's sad because it goes against the training you get from young that taking initiative is a good thing.
As we grow older, taking initiative means being 'kpo' being a butt-kisser, being stupid... what have you, when our early training says it means being gracious and courteous.

We live in a warped world.

Twisted my ankle from running on sparsely paved grass...in heels!
Felt the twist, heard the crack but felt no pain.
The pain came later... a day later...
It has been 2 days and a bruise is starting to show.
Just what kind of body-mechanism is that?!

It's another week of torture in the office...
Telemarketing gets really boring... Unless you play act on the phone.
The only good thing about not having a conversation face to face is that you can be downright rude yet sound so polite.

Imagine this...

You:"Why sure! I'll hold the line. Take your time."
(Rolls eyes and starts to inspect nails with a look of total disdain)

Get the picture?
I don't mean to be rude... really... but some people are beyond rude!
Always get the urge to be sarcastic or mildly so on the phone...
And oh... did I mention?
I think someone in the office is a condescending *beep*
Whoops... Local law... got to sensor...

What is the difference between needy and neediness?

And yes... there is supposed to be a difference...

Oh Come On!

This is from a passage in the Ben Sira Scroll from Masada regarding the experience on raising a daughter...

[A daughter] to a father is a decep[tive] treasure,
[and worry over her will pre]vent sleep.
In her youth lest she be despised,
and when she get older lest she be [forgot]ten.
In her virginity lest she be defiled,
and when she is a wife [lest] she be accused of adultery.
In her father's house lest she become preganat,
and when [she] is married,[lest she remain ba]r[ren.
[My son,] watch carefully over a daughter,
[le]st she [make for you a bad reputation].

(Ben Sira 42:9-11)
Reclaiming the Dead Sea Scrolls
Their true meaning for Judaism and Christianity
- Lawrence H. Schiffman

Still reading through this book really really carefully.
But that passage got to me... Oh come on!
You'll think that having daughters are not worth it... talk about your typical mcp...

Working in a really friendly and helpful environment is the best.
I have that now.
Telemarketing was not as bad as I thought it would be.
Well.. what I do is to call members up to allow them to redeem gifts from points they accumulate from buying HP products.
It's more like customer service, so it's nice.

Some people..really suck...

Me: ... if you'll give me your e-mail address, I'll e-mail your password to you and you can...

*rudely interrupts in wet-market auntie manner*

Her: I got lot of things to do ah.. Just give me all the details and when I have time, I'll read through and consider.

Me: Sure, but I'll have to activate your account first to send you the material.

Her: Just e-mail me. Can you do that simple thing?

Me: Ok, I will, may I have your...

*interrupts again*

Her: I don't have time to waste ah.. I have very important things to do ah..

*Getting fed-up*

Me: Ok, sure. Thank you.

She lost out on getting OSIM products, ipod nanos, Hotel vouchers and more..
Serves her right...
I mean, how am I to e-mail her if she won't give me her e-mail address right?
The majority people know a good offer when they hear about it... or when I sweet-talk them into accepting it...
Hehe..

Listening to 'Kings of Convenience' at the moment to calm myself down, unwind...stuff...
I miss some people I have not seen or heard from forever...
I want to hug all my friends...
I do...really do...
Must be the effects of 'Riots on an empty street'...